Not for the Life of Me
I have never been a fan of mediocre.
I am not really a fan of getting by.
Rather something with a bit more pizzazz and power. A little more impressive and hopefully leaving them a bit dazzled. Sometimes that gets me into a bit of trouble. Projects take longer and there is a lot more planning that is needed. Maybe that is the bit of theater in me. Maybe it is a bit of the perfectionist shining through.
There is a quote from fantastic Mr. Fox that I am thinking about…
“and if they aren’t completely knocked out and dazzled and slightly intimidated by me, I don’t feel good about myself”.
I like things to go perfectly. I always look for how to improve I am rarely satisfied with what I have done. In some ways that is helpful and in some ways it is hurtful, but in either way, it fits with the atonement. The atonement repairs and heals but also encourages change and improvement. It binds up mistakes but also helps make the feeble joints stronger. It is endless and powerful. It is loving and gentle. The atonement is a miracle.
I was contemplating this during the sacrament this Sunday, between stressed bursts of translating brain function, as my voice is transferred to the half a dozen or so listening earpieces scattered about in the chapel. I thought really hard about the little morsel of bread and the tiny sip of water. Because of the atonement, because of the power of God on the earth, this sacrament has the power to erase and heal me of my countless mistakes throughout the week. It was literally gone. Forgiven. I don´t know why it hit me so hard. Maybe because I had really come prepared that week with repentance and ways to improve. Maybe it is because I need the peace that I can receive through the atonement. From the translators spot in the back of the chapel you see all the people. You see all the families, and the investigators and the new converts who made it. Old and young. With families and alone. All of them coming together to take part in this ordinance that we all so desperately need.
Faith is something beautiful. It is a knowledge of things that you cannot see, cannot hold in your hand or photograph or fill up a beaker with. It is intangible, but it´s effects are completely apparent. I am glad or this seemingly illogical “substance”. I am glad for the kind of person it has made me, and the lovely sorts of changes it brings to those who trust on it´s properties.
Looking back to the obscure quote from the obscure movie that me, with my obscure humor find absolutely well, fantastic. I feel that the quote and idea it portrays was me more when I started this whole adventure. Now, I feel to say more like Ammon had after a well meaning Aaron pulls the supposedly inflated Ammon back to earth.
“Yea, I know that I am nothing, as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.” Alma 26: 12
That is how I am feeling. Of course I am going to keep giving my best. Keep pointing my toes and rounding my vowels…. But I can really rely on the power of God, the atonement of his son, and the Guidance of the Holy Ghost.
Many good things are happening in Tübingen. The work moves on with joy.
I will stop working, not for the life of me.
All my love,